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Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Where can I find a bachelorette veil this morning?

Bachelor party today for a friend from high school. Here's the e-mail trail from the Best Man (good friend, went to stanfurd)

Allow me to further address these items in sequence
Hey guys,

Since I haven't met many of you, let me start by introducing myself as K 's high school cohort and best man. The latter means I'm supposed to organize this bachelor party and the former means I'm supposedly qualified to do it. But, as I'm new to this, I hope you'll forgive the inexperience.

As I learned while trying to cozen some prelimary details from him, K has already done the hard part of my job (although, this should come as no surprise to any of us). Namely, he has:

1). Provided me with a preliminary list of invitees (i.e y'all)
2). Selected the date and place: Saturday, September xx, 20xx in the Bay Area
3). Proffered some suggested activities
 

4). Admonished me to "keep it clean"

Allow me to further address these items in sequence:

1). While it was clearly an excellent starting point, and while I obviously look forward to meeting everyone, please don't take it personally when I suggest that, in addition to this ensemble, there may be a few others in the area whom K has overlooked. So, if you know of anyone else who should be invited (which is to say, copied on future emails) please let me know. Thanks!

2). Although it is Labor Day weekend, K informed me that most of you will be available. I would really like to maxmize the attendance, so please let me know as soon as possible if you cannot make it (I presume the festivities will consume most of the afternon and evening, but will not involve an overnight). Unfortunately, with the wedding about a month away (yikes!) and K's inflexible work schedule, the date is pretty much fixed (unless Tand I only one who can make it, of course!). But, we can try to organize the day so as to optimize participation.

3). With all deference to K's creative powers, I was hoping it would be a bit more of a surprise than simply taking one of his suggestions. So, despite the fact that he didn't mention any of these, I was envisioning a day involving some subset of the following: major or minor league baseball, paintball, gourmet dinner, bars/pubs. But, I am certainly open to suggestions and would welcome some constructive criticism.
4). Those who know me realize this will not be a problem, but if you have any objections (where by 'you' I mean 'Katie G'), please let me know ;)

While I am still fleshing out the timing and the location, it is likely that the former will span early afternoon to (very?) late evening and that the greater Bay Area (from S.F. to South Bay) will be our playground. Obviously, you are welcome to attend any or all of the fun.

So, here's the summary (aka the part where I ask for your help):

Please drop me a line and let me know--

* If you can attend for any or all of the BP on 9/3
* If you know of anyone else who should be invited
* If you have any feedback or suggestions on activities
* If you have any physical, dietary, or other constraints

I hope that as many of you as possible will be able to attend this guys-night-out in Kiemanh's honor.

Thanks,

FB

Well. If that isn't a fine How-do-ya-do. At this point I felt it necessary to instill the Fear of God into these fine, upstanding men, some of whom I have never met before.

plausibly deniable PG-13 hijinks
FB, I have no idea what you're talking about.

And i don't subscribe to the mutual exclusivity of a) leather-clad dominatrices armed with riding crops, date rape drugs, and tattoo needles, and b) some good clean, respectable, yet plausibly deniable PG-13 hijinks.

katie

That might scare the crap out of you. Or get you really excited...

I'm with Katie
FB,

Count me in for the activities of 9/3 whatever they my be. But for
the record, I'm with Katie on this one:

"i don't subscribe to the mutual exclusivity of a) leather-clad
dominatrices armed with riding crops, date rape drugs, and tattoo
needles, and b) some good clean, respectable, yet plausibly deniable
PG-13 hijinks."

-P

See? Making friends already! Nice to see that it's the simple things in life like dominatrices that we as men need. We don't need Tupperware Parties and Jewelry and well i'm drawing a blank. Use your creativity, 16Peon...

a few scares regarding K's work schedule
Hey BP Posse,

I realize it's been a while since my last communication, but have no fear- I have been slaving away on plans for the big bay-area-wide bachelor party. There were a few scares regarding K's work schedule and such, but those seem to be resolved at last.

If you are receiving this message, I am either assuming that you can come or have received explicit confirmation to that effect (if I am in error, please let me know ASAP!).

At present, the schedule for this Saturday, September xx is:

11:30a: Meet at P. residence, consolidate cars, pick up T.
(1---5 ------- ---- Road, LG; park on street).
12:00p: Pick-up K from SCVM.
1:05p: Attend Oakland A's vs New York Yankees game. Plaza level seats on 1st base side.
~4:05p: Depart Collesium.
~5:00p: Dine at Henry's Hi-Life BBQ in SJ.
~7:00p: Allow those under 13 (and anyone else) to depart. Rest of party piles into minimum number of vehicles.
~8:00p: Shoot pool, have drinks, and watch Giants game at Score's Legendary Sports Bar in San Mateo.
10:00p: Head to Tonga Room in SF for drinks.
??????: Go home. Sleep.

If this sounds like a lot, I think that's because it is. But, K deserves it, don't you think? Of course, such revelery doesn't come cheap (plus, according to bachelor party tradition, we have to cover his share). I have tried to do the best I can, but I realize the following cost structure may still present a hardship for some people:

Estimate of per person cost (APPROX.!)
--------------------------------------

Baseball tickets: $26
Baseball food/drinks: $15
Dinner: $34
Pool: $5
Drinks: $??
Sending K off right priceless!
------- ---
Total: $80+

As you can see, with all the activities and the *8/7 factor for treating K , it will be pricey. But, I tried to be conservative on estimates for the activities I could control (aka everything except how much you drink). In any case, please let me know if you have an pecuniary prohibitions and we can work to alleviate them.

If it would be more convenient for you to meet up with the group somewhere other than LG in the morning, or if you have limited access to transportation, please let me know. Also, it would be great if one other person could volunteer to drive (just to the game and back- from there I've got it covered).

Since we will be going from a baseball game in the afternoon to bars in the evening, I suspect you'll want to change clothes at some point during this adventure. In particular, you may want to bring something a little nicer and/or a lot warmer than baseball gear for the nocturnal portion.

I am looking forward to seeing and/or meeting everyone this weekend and drop me a line if you have any other suggestions/questions.

Thanks,
FB

P.S. For the sake of suspense, K doesn't know what we're doing yet (unless someone has already let it slip!).

Rather than drive down to San Jose, I was gonna meet them in Oakland at the Coliseum... Unless...

I've said too much already
Some quick questions for you:

1) Do we need to hog-tie K @ the hospital and kidnap him? If this is the case, we should seriously consider developing a Rainbow-Six-Splinter-Cell-True-Lies-style infiltration/prisoner extraction plan. Or a blue van and some Metallica like in "Old School". Either way, let me know if you need me to steal my dad's SCVMC i.d.

2) Did you want to sneak a below-legal-drinking-age brother to any places-of-ill-repute? Don't ask how, but, umm... well crap. I've said too much already.

3) Can we make him wear a veil and a garter? Or as an addendum to #1 above, veil and/or black cloth Abu Graihb-tastic black hood? Plastic zip-ties, now that I think about it. Commemorative ski masks for ourselves, perhaps?

Plausibly Deniably Yours,
Katie

No response as of post time (heh, post time! Bay Meadows opens this weekend!)

I'm gonna shower up and try to find a veil. Wish me luck. Ooh, and Bay Area 16Peons, come to the Tonga Room tonight! Look for a  [censored] dude wearing a white veil.

all my love,
Katie Greene, Vice President of Public Relations, Expresso Parking

15 comments:

  1. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate

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  2. I have a feeling this tentative schedule will change towards the end of the evening. They usually do.

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  3. ATM: as the night unfolded, we ended up skipping out on the sports bar, and went to a cigar bar later that night.

    also, we made an impromptu visit to Fry's Electronics-- which, for Silicon Valley nerds like ourselves, should be a required stop for a bachelor party. one guy even bought a hard drive...

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  4. Son, I am NOT disappoint! Checking in to show some love ;)

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  5. really great post, i lol'd so much "Rainbow-Six-Splinter-Cell-True-Lies-style infiltration"

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  6. well good luck finding that veil I suppose!

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  7. Joenan: this has been my contribution to the bachelor parties i've gone to-- and everybody, please feel free to use it for your friends

    take a bridal veil (or just the fabric)
    take a white hard hat (about $10 at White Cap or Grainger or maybe even home depot)
    duct tape veil to hat (grey duct tape is fine, white duct tape or clear packing tape are also ok)
    make your friend enjoy the remaining vestiges of his bachelorhood
    optional: bring along a sharpie (heh) and sign his souvenir veil. also have hot chicks sign it too.

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  8. Wow thats a lot of plans, have fun :P

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  9. Sounds like it will be a good time.

    Dont get too rowdy. ;)

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