Eff you, Gold Country Casino

Went on another indian casino junket w/my grandma again. Pai Gow Poker was not kind. Again. An eff-ing buttload of Pai Gows to start off, and I'm down $50 in like 30 minutes. Never hit that hot streak like i wanted to, and the progression never got past 6 units. I won on 3 units only once. WTF.

And I'm not even pissed off about the Pai Gows either. Toward the end, I had three hands of Two Pairs, and each lost.

Tia Katie: Pair of 3's and a Pair of 5's, with A-Q Low.
Gold Country Casino: Pair of 6's and a Pair of 8's, A-K Low. A-HOLES.

Tia Katie: Jacks and Eights.
Gold Country Casino: Aces and Queens. EFF YOU, GOLD COUNTRY.

Tia Katie: Aces and Jacks. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Gold Country Casino: Aces and Queens.
Kickers: Tia Katie's Queen loses to Gold Country's King. GO EAT A BIG ONE YOU INDIAN EFFS.

Yeah. Eff-ing a-holes. My Aces didn't win, they didn't even push. They eff-ing lost. I'm not going to explain it, so if you're still playing catch-up, go visit bodog and The Wizard of Odds and see why this is ess-y. Also, please to be visiting those two sites if you're still trying to figure out whether or not I split the Jacks and Eights or even the Aces and Jacks in those last two hands.

If you're Anna and still lost, you can even give me a call and I'd be happy to explain it to you. Not that you'll listen.

Still reading? Then I have a treat for you because you're obviously a Degenerate Gambler like myself. Check this out-- I was dealt what is literally the ess-iest hand possible in Pai Gow Poker!

Pai Gow, 9-High!

Do I need to explain why the 9-High is the lowest possible hand in Pai Gow Poker, District 16-ers? Think low, think no straights.

Oh, almost forgot: Gold Country Casino sucks because 1) they don't allow cigars, and 2) it's a major hassle just to claim your free money. Almost not worth it, seeing as to how my time would've been better spent waiting in line for an open spot at the tables...

Katie Greene, Spokeswoman for Expresso Parking