Tuesday, August 31, 2010

I miss Mikhaila the tall italian and her thigh-high stripper boots Seattle

(Note from Katie:  this is an old news item.  however, much like the strip club, LOOK but don't touch.  thanks.)

From this morning's Seattle Times, Mayor proposes stricter rules for strip clubs.
Eff the Man!
The city's current rules require dancers to wear some clothing unless they are on a stage, which must be six feet from customers. Dancers cannot simulate sexual acts, touch their private parts, allow others to touch their private parts or touch the private parts of customers. But dancers are allowed to provide lap dances to customers as long as their private parts are clothed.

The [new] rules also call for lighting that makes all objects "plainly visible."
Insert your own "I got your 'plainly visible object' right here..." joke. Right here.
Eff the Tip Jar!
The rules also would bar a dancer from directly accepting a tip. Instead, tips would have to be deposited in a container or given to a manager.
Insert your own "I got your 'deposited in a container' right here..." joke. Right here. Ok this is retarded. So the same city from whose loins was born Starbucks and consequently the nefarious tip jar wants to do the same for Seattle zoos? Nice to see that you Washingtards are doing so well. Perhaps this is just an elaborate ploy to discourage Califorons from moving (back) to Washingtonia by means of feigning retardation. Unfortunately, it's just Seattle city council trying to take a page from the Berkeley City Council's playbook.

Practically speaking, a strippers' tip jar is a retarded idea because: 1) it proliferates the idea of the tip jar1, and 2) decreases even further the whole stripper-patron tipping interaction. As the practical application of this law is today, you can sit at the rail, but to tip, you gotta ball up your bills and throw them to the stripper. Not at the stripper, and certainly not at her genitalia. Unless you're playing a spirited round of Coochie-ball2. If Mikhaila the tall italian that you like is onstage doing her rad-assed pole tricks and wearing her thigh-high stripper boots, are you really gonna wanna tip her via a stupid jar which will likely be subject to distribution among the rest of the girls and a house commission? Of course not. You'll save your singles and go buy yourself some Dick's Drive-In once you leave.

yours in Vengeance,
Katie Greene, Vice President of Public Relations, Expresso Parking

1 This particular tipping philosophy doesn't quite apply to the zoo, but more to cashiers at Starbucks and wherever else. People should not be tipped in jars for normally doing something for which they are paid a wage. Don't want to get into this Reservoir Dogs debate right now. But if you're hired as a cashier, really, you're just an extremeley low level data entry bot. You don't tip them, do you?

2 Stripper had some belt-contraption which had a dixie cup positioned right below her crotchal area, patrons were encouraged to ball up bills and win prizes by throwing them in the cup.


  1. hahaha I couldn't imagine going into a strip club and putting my money into a jar! That simply isn't American! Damn hippies!

  2. following coolness

  3. Nice read lol

  4. bummer, hope it gets swatted down. mmm, do love some dick's though..