(Note from Katie: the 4AM Critic was a contributor to a website circa 2001. He'd liveblog certain movies in the fashion I have replicated here. 4am Criticism = liveblog)
Figured I should post this Final Four episode of TAR:SFE. Season Finale tonight of what is the shittiest season of The Amazing Race.
Tia Katie's Top Five Shitty Seasons of TAR? You got it!
1) TAR8. shitty family edition. hot miss louisana eliminated early. only solace is that tonight they'll show her again @ the finish line
2) TAR7. Had Rob and Amber, officially signifying the Shark-Jumping. Holy God they were annoying. Was so glad when uchenna and joyce finally won. in vitro, here we come! Notice how they turned off the popularity voting at the website so people like me couldn't vote against Romber.
3) TAR6. Too many couples. Notice how there weren't as many couples in following seasons who called each other "Baby"? That's because it got annoying. Hayden had nice boobs, though... ahh, sweet sweet Hayden
4) TAR4. Yeah, we get it. Reichen and Chip were gay. Would you like to remind us four times an episode or five times? Let us know so we can think of creative hate crimes.
5) TAR5. Chip and his wife Useless? What a shitty team, with exception of Chip. Thanks to Useless, they had to create that minimum Roadblock rule.
|Live 4am Criticism of The Amazing Race: Shitty Family Edition from Tuesday 06 December 2005|
|You are now in chat room "TiaKatieSlow."|
TiaKatie has entered the chat room.
TiaKatie (9:01:13 PM): hello dere
TiaKatie (9:01:19 PM): was watching peanuts
TiaKatie (9:01:31 PM): A MAZE ING AMAZING A MAZE ING AMAZING
TiaKatie (9:01:36 PM): A MAZE ING AMAZING A MAZE ING
TiaKatie (9:01:45 PM): A MAZE ING AMAZING A MAZE ING AMAZING
TiaKatie (9:01:48 PM): AAAAAAAAAAAMAZING RACE
TiaKatie (9:01:53 PM): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMAZING RACE
TiaKatie (9:01:57 PM): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAMAZING RACE
TiaKatie (9:02:00 PM): A MAZE ING
TiaKatie (9:02:05 PM): AMAZING A MAZE ING AMAZING!
TiaKatie (9:03:00 PM): these BP commercials don't make sense at all
TiaKatie (9:03:09 PM): they're not even funny by accident
TiaKatie (9:05:03 PM): fake pit stop!
TiaKatie (9:05:45 PM): Teams must not travel 49 miles to dubois, WY to Turtle Rance
TiaKatie (9:07:16 PM): meanwhile, in Oakland... ChestyLaRue is pissing me off with this Earl crap
TiaKatie (9:08:22 PM): they didn't get gas
TiaKatie (9:09:51 PM): g-sisters, you're the last family to arrive
TiaKatie (9:09:54 PM): leg is not over
TiaKatie (9:10:49 PM): ha ha bottlenecking
TiaKatie (9:10:55 PM): the g-sisters are gonna catch up
TiaKatie (9:11:01 PM): and i wanna molest tricia g-sister
TiaKatie (9:16:43 PM): they're going down a dirt road
TiaKatie (9:16:45 PM): somewhere
TiaKatie (9:17:17 PM): a Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons
TiaKatie (9:17:31 PM): Pioneer Spirit or Native Tradition
TiaKatie (9:17:43 PM): drive a wagon or build a teepee
TiaKatie (9:19:10 PM): g-sisters building the teepee
TiaKatie (9:19:23 PM): linzes, bransens doing the wagon
TiaKatie (9:19:57 PM): the bransen daughters are gonna suck this one up
TiaKatie (9:20:03 PM): weavers doing the teepee too
TiaKatie (9:22:06 PM): linzes on their wagon
TiaKatie (9:22:44 PM): wow the bransen daughters didn't fuck it up
TiaKatie (9:23:08 PM): 220 miles to Cody Wyoming to the Irma hotel
TiaKatie (9:23:20 PM): after one of Buffalo bill's hot daughters
TiaKatie (9:23:33 PM): IT PUTS THE LOTION IN THE BASKET OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE
TiaKatie (9:24:40 PM): ooh hi tricia g-sister
TiaKatie (9:27:03 PM): ooh tricia crotch
TiaKatie (9:31:22 PM): i wanna mount tricia g-sister
TiaKatie (9:31:52 PM): The Irma!
TiaKatie (9:32:49 PM): ooh hi irma
TiaKatie (9:32:59 PM): oh maybe that isn't Irma
TiaKatie (9:33:15 PM): but that wyoming-momma is HAWT
TiaKatie (9:34:55 PM): teams must now travel 73 miles to red lodge, MT
TiaKatie (9:35:32 PM): ooh yeah wyoming momma
TiaKatie (9:35:37 PM): ooh yeah bransen daughters
TiaKatie (9:36:38 PM): A Roadblock is a task normally performed by one person
TiaKatie (9:36:59 PM): But in this shitty family edition of TAR, blah blah blha
TiaKatie (9:37:15 PM): what a shitty detour
TiaKatie (9:37:29 PM): they closed down an entire golf course?
TiaKatie (9:37:39 PM): and if you miss a ball, shit you could be there forever
TiaKatie (9:38:26 PM): WHORE CITY
TiaKatie (9:40:03 PM): and the hot wyomomma was getting pissed
TiaKatie (9:40:28 PM): oh they're fucked
TiaKatie (9:40:37 PM): did it say it would be the hole?
TiaKatie (9:41:01 PM): nice job bransen daughters
TiaKatie (9:41:07 PM): bransen daughters in first
TiaKatie (9:41:17 PM): 43 miles to Green Meadow Ranch
TiaKatie (9:41:21 PM): 10,000 acre cattle rance
TiaKatie (9:46:42 PM): whoa victoria's secret fashion show after TAR
TiaKatie (9:50:23 PM): and i would like to orally pleasure tricia g-sister
TiaKatie (9:50:42 PM): oh it'll be the bransens first
TiaKatie (9:51:14 PM): bransen daughters team #1
TiaKatie (9:51:24 PM): ooh elimination leg!
TiaKatie (9:51:36 PM): ooh
TiaKatie (9:51:49 PM): brand new buick loofa
TiaKatie (9:51:54 PM): linz family team #2
TiaKatie (9:52:19 PM): actually i'd rather have the g-sisters instead of the weavers
TiaKatie (9:52:33 PM): go g-sisters!
TiaKatie (9:52:59 PM): man i want to molest tricia godelewski
TiaKatie (9:53:44 PM): yeah like it's really that close
TiaKatie (9:53:53 PM): weavers team #3
TiaKatie (9:54:32 PM): g-sisters last team to arrive
TiaKatie (9:54:44 PM): sorry to tell you you've been eliminated from the race
TiaKatie (9:55:25 PM): and i would like to rub one out to tricia g-sister
TiaKatie (9:56:11 PM): oh yes
TiaKatie (9:56:31 PM): the traditional hyping-up of the finale
TiaKatie (9:59:02 PM): next week on the two-hour finale of the amazing race
TiaKatie (9:59:27 PM): was that a BART tunnel?
TiaKatie has left the chat room.