IT PUTS THE LOTION IN THE BASKET OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE

(Note from Katie:  the 4AM Critic was a contributor to a website circa 2001.  He'd liveblog certain movies in the fashion I have replicated here.  4am Criticism = liveblog)  

Figured I should post this Final Four episode of TAR:SFE. Season Finale tonight of what is the shittiest season of The Amazing Race.

Tia Katie's Top Five Shitty Seasons of TAR? You got it!

1) TAR8. shitty family edition. hot miss louisana eliminated early. only solace is that tonight they'll show her again @ the finish line
2) TAR7. Had Rob and Amber, officially signifying the Shark-Jumping. Holy God they were annoying. Was so glad when uchenna and joyce finally won. in vitro, here we come! Notice how they turned off the popularity voting at the website so people like me couldn't vote against Romber.
3) TAR6. Too many couples. Notice how there weren't as many couples in following seasons who called each other "Baby"? That's because it got annoying. Hayden had nice boobs, though... ahh, sweet sweet Hayden
4) TAR4. Yeah, we get it. Reichen and Chip were gay. Would you like to remind us four times an episode or five times? Let us know so we can think of creative hate crimes.
5) TAR5. Chip and his wife Useless? What a shitty team, with exception of Chip. Thanks to Useless, they had to create that minimum Roadblock rule.

Live 4am Criticism of The Amazing Race: Shitty Family Edition from Tuesday 06 December 2005

You are now in chat room "TiaKatieSlow." TiaKatie has entered the chat room. TiaKatie (9:01:13 PM): hello dere TiaKatie (9:01:19 PM): was watching peanuts TiaKatie (9:01:31 PM): A MAZE ING AMAZING A MAZE ING AMAZING TiaKatie (9:01:36 PM): A MAZE ING AMAZING A MAZE ING TiaKatie (9:01:45 PM): A MAZE ING AMAZING A MAZE ING AMAZING TiaKatie (9:01:48 PM): AAAAAAAAAAAMAZING RACE TiaKatie (9:01:53 PM): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMAZING RACE TiaKatie (9:01:57 PM): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAMAZING RACE TiaKatie (9:02:00 PM): A MAZE ING TiaKatie (9:02:05 PM): AMAZING A MAZE ING AMAZING! TiaKatie (9:03:00 PM): these BP commercials don't make sense at all TiaKatie (9:03:09 PM): they're not even funny by accident TiaKatie (9:05:03 PM): fake pit stop! TiaKatie (9:05:45 PM): Teams must not travel 49 miles to dubois, WY to Turtle Rance TiaKatie (9:07:16 PM): meanwhile, in Oakland... ChestyLaRue is pissing me off with this Earl crap TiaKatie (9:08:22 PM): they didn't get gas TiaKatie (9:09:51 PM): g-sisters, you're the last family to arrive TiaKatie (9:09:54 PM): leg is not over TiaKatie (9:10:49 PM): ha ha bottlenecking TiaKatie (9:10:55 PM): the g-sisters are gonna catch up TiaKatie (9:11:01 PM): and i wanna molest tricia g-sister TiaKatie (9:16:43 PM): they're going down a dirt road TiaKatie (9:16:45 PM): somewhere TiaKatie (9:17:17 PM): a Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons TiaKatie (9:17:31 PM): Pioneer Spirit or Native Tradition TiaKatie (9:17:43 PM): drive a wagon or build a teepee TiaKatie (9:19:10 PM): g-sisters building the teepee TiaKatie (9:19:23 PM): linzes, bransens doing the wagon TiaKatie (9:19:57 PM): the bransen daughters are gonna suck this one up TiaKatie (9:20:03 PM): weavers doing the teepee too TiaKatie (9:22:06 PM): linzes on their wagon TiaKatie (9:22:44 PM): wow the bransen daughters didn't fuck it up TiaKatie (9:23:08 PM): 220 miles to Cody Wyoming to the Irma hotel TiaKatie (9:23:20 PM): after one of Buffalo bill's hot daughters TiaKatie (9:23:33 PM): IT PUTS THE LOTION IN THE BASKET OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE TiaKatie (9:24:40 PM): ooh hi tricia g-sister TiaKatie (9:27:03 PM): ooh tricia crotch TiaKatie (9:31:22 PM): i wanna mount tricia g-sister TiaKatie (9:31:52 PM): The Irma! TiaKatie (9:32:49 PM): ooh hi irma TiaKatie (9:32:59 PM): oh maybe that isn't Irma TiaKatie (9:33:15 PM): but that wyoming-momma is HAWT TiaKatie (9:34:55 PM): teams must now travel 73 miles to red lodge, MT TiaKatie (9:35:32 PM): ooh yeah wyoming momma TiaKatie (9:35:37 PM): ooh yeah bransen daughters TiaKatie (9:36:38 PM): A Roadblock is a task normally performed by one person TiaKatie (9:36:59 PM): But in this shitty family edition of TAR, blah blah blha TiaKatie (9:37:15 PM): what a shitty detour TiaKatie (9:37:29 PM): they closed down an entire golf course? TiaKatie (9:37:39 PM): and if you miss a ball, shit you could be there forever TiaKatie (9:38:26 PM): WHORE CITY TiaKatie (9:40:03 PM): and the hot wyomomma was getting pissed TiaKatie (9:40:28 PM): oh they're fucked TiaKatie (9:40:37 PM): did it say it would be the hole? TiaKatie (9:41:01 PM): nice job bransen daughters TiaKatie (9:41:07 PM): bransen daughters in first TiaKatie (9:41:17 PM): 43 miles to Green Meadow Ranch TiaKatie (9:41:21 PM): 10,000 acre cattle rance TiaKatie (9:46:42 PM): whoa victoria's secret fashion show after TAR TiaKatie (9:50:23 PM): and i would like to orally pleasure tricia g-sister TiaKatie (9:50:42 PM): oh it'll be the bransens first TiaKatie (9:51:14 PM): bransen daughters team #1 TiaKatie (9:51:24 PM): ooh elimination leg! TiaKatie (9:51:36 PM): ooh TiaKatie (9:51:49 PM): brand new buick loofa TiaKatie (9:51:54 PM): linz family team #2 TiaKatie (9:52:19 PM): actually i'd rather have the g-sisters instead of the weavers TiaKatie (9:52:33 PM): go g-sisters! TiaKatie (9:52:59 PM): man i want to molest tricia godelewski TiaKatie (9:53:44 PM): yeah like it's really that close TiaKatie (9:53:53 PM): weavers team #3 TiaKatie (9:54:32 PM): g-sisters last team to arrive TiaKatie (9:54:44 PM): sorry to tell you you've been eliminated from the race TiaKatie (9:55:25 PM): and i would like to rub one out to tricia g-sister TiaKatie (9:56:11 PM): oh yes TiaKatie (9:56:31 PM): the traditional hyping-up of the finale TiaKatie (9:59:02 PM): next week on the two-hour finale of the amazing race TiaKatie (9:59:27 PM): was that a BART tunnel? TiaKatie has left the chat room.