The Most Sexually Deranged Skies You've Ever Seen, In Seattle!

Right out of college, RCCBrenda moved to a suburb of Seattle to work at the local aerospace 600-lb gorilla, and I relocated to the same suburb shortly thereafter for some work with the regional transit agency. (how's that light rail coming along, btw?) So we enjoy these stories from the Pacific Northwest immensely. We were always Token Califorons, and will be remembered as such by the Washingtards.

Trespassing charged in horse-sex case

I didn't even read the entire article yet. That headline in conjunction with the Seattle Times banner up top with the header of "Local News"? Man, that's just hilarious. Please take note, Citizen SHoPpers, that this is the type of story that makes your local paper's "News of the Weird" section and everybody has a good laugh over it.

But when this happens in your own backyard, oh yes, then the Token Califorons come out of the woodworks and even post about it on their blogs and hey, they probably even send you a URL to the post in the hopes that you'll send it to your other Washingtastic friends.

Excerpt from Trespassing charged in horse-sex case. Emphasis mine.

The criminal-trespassing charge stems from a July 2 bestiality session involving Tait, the 45-year-old Seattle man and a horse in a neighbor's barn, charging papers say. According to the King County Medical Examiner's Office, the Seattle man died of acute peritonitis due to perforation of the colon. Attempts to contact Tait yesterday were unsuccessful. King County prosecutors say it's the most-severe charge they could file; Washington is one of more than a dozen states that does not outlaw bestiality. "There is no evidence of injury to the animal to support animal-cruelty charges," said Dan Satterberg, the county prosecutor's chief of staff. "This is the only crime we can charge." When interviewed by The Seattle Times July 15, the horse's owners said they had known their neighbors for years. The couple, who asked to have their names withheld to protect their privacy, said they were shocked when police showed them a home video of the July 2 incident that investigators seized from their neighbor's home. The couple identified their barn and their horse.

Oh Sweet Merciful Crap, where to start?

First off, Mighty are the blogs who use the Purple and the Gold... Don't worry Huskies fans, our sturdy Golden Bears are gonna meet you in the Pac-10 cellar by the time Big Game/Apple Cup rolls around...

Second, kudos to Seattle Times reporter Jennifer Sullivan for a wonderfully written article. I was gonna cut the quote short at the "does not outlaw bestiality" until I found the "no evidence of injury..." line which was freakin' hilarious! And then I found the last line...

Third, wow that's gotta suck. Imagine Seattle's finest showing up at your door (perhaps King County's finest?), asking about your neighbor. Given the region's history of turning out some of society's shining stars, sure you thought something was amiss about him. But you never really gave it much thought.

And then they tell you what he did.

And then they show you what he did.

And then you recognize your horse...

...and now you realize why your horse has been acting somewhat distant recently.

Finally-- and this should give you an insight into the limits of my allegedly vast levels of depravity and degeneracy-- if you're gonna do that weird stuff because maybe that's just what you do in Enumclaw, fine. Why record it? Like I'm saying, perhaps my depravity isn't as much as we thought since I wouldn't automatically think to record something like one of your clients having the Sex with a horse.

If you open up a year's worth of my beloved San Jose Mercury News for the past year, you'll find that the Finger-in-the-Wendy's-Chili was our Local News. I even know exactly where that Wendy's is. It's right next to the lumber store I got supplies at for the Santa Clara job. But I'll have to concede that you Seattlites have us beat here.

Beaten like a rented mule, yessir... if you guys are into that kind of thing.

Katie Greene, Vice President of Public Relations, Expresso Parking